I’m an essay writer for hire now. You’re lucky.

Not to be confused with essayists.

I have no plans to become next Shaw, Wells, Orwell, or Sartre. And, sure enough, I have no plans to publish the selection of my “short prose writings of free composition” that would express my individual impressions and thoughts on a particular topic or subject.”

My plans are other than that.

Now you can hire me to write your college essays, theses, and dissertations.

How did I fall so far?

Okay, you’re familiar by hearsay about my nerdy experience in school. And about years of my freelance writing and content creation work before I’ve got the wisdom to launch my consulting business. Yeah, it was quite a long way to online popularity and reputation I have today. Often, it was reflected in Facebook messages like this:

essay writing services anyone?

Or this:

are you an essay writer?

You bet your butt, I didn’t have any wish or aspiration to answer their messages and solve their writing problems. The only dude lucky to entice me from the path of virtue here was my cousin-german. Okay, let’s face it: sloppy ass he is, but charming enough to manipulate. (His five girlfriends are with me here to keep me honest.)

Long story short:

One of these days he comes to me and says, “That fatty Mr. Lewis assigned the essay on brand development, again. 5,000 words, due date is Friday. It seems your specialization, sis. Save me, please!”

Why hide it, I saved him. And earn some extra cash for that. (You didn’t think I wrote it for free, did you?)

Ready to pay for essays? Feel free to hire me for saving you from tons of academic assignments and low grades.

I write my essay myself and never steal others’ work.

Comparing all the time and resource costs I spent on that essay with the profit I got, it just clicked in my mind: why not help other lazy bones, too?

(Okay, not all of them are lazy; some are just stupid or hating those assigned topics, or poor in written English to come up with writing masterpieces like Shakespeare and Hemingway.)

But whatever their reason, I believe it’s valid enough for me to handle that. After all, it’s their choice and money, right?

And now, I can almost hear you thinking:

“Why hire YOU, you narcissistic old hag?”

Well, I was good at writing academic papers in school and university. And I helped peers, writing essays for them sometimes. (I prefer calling it “help,” not “bullying from bold and stupid but popular kids,” sorry.) And I do love learning, reading, working with new information, and making conclusions from it.

Perfect for this job, no?

Oh, one more thing:

Unlike with my most friends, who have suddenly come to the conclusion they can write just because they are at home with kids and have tons of free time (that’s bullshit, in sober fact), I’m a professional writer, with two corresponding college degrees.

It takes me 6-7 hours to write your thesis from scratch. And I do have this time to devote it to substantive work on your order.

I can work with information, have research skills and access to the online libraries of five major universities in America, as well as the opportunity to check my writings with the help of a professional editor.

And no, I don’t write papers on all subjects but only those I’m specializing at. It’s marketing, management, innovations, human relations, business, and literature. Philosophy and law are in my list, too.

But wait, there’s more…

Your search for essay writing service is over.

With the huge market of custom essay writing services on its rise, it’s not that difficult for a student to google and order academic papers from them. What may attract you there is their relatively low prices and “guarantees” a la “high-quality writings, plagiarism-free and crafted by professionals, with a money back if something gets wrong.”

You gotta face it, most of such services play hanky-panky with you.

  • First, their works are hard to call “cheaper” than the writings of independent authors like me. Their top writers get 10-40% of your payment, the rest goes to the service itself. Do you think a true professional with years of experience in their niche would agree to work for such peanuts?
  • Yes, it could be a nice gig for freelance writers from India or Kenya (nothing personal, just business), but not “natives from English-speaking countries, with at least Bachelor’s degrees,” as some of custom writing services promise at their websites.

  • Second, they all promise to write your paper “from scratch” and swear to make it “100% plagiarism-free,” checking it via “reputable plagiarism check tools built on the latest technologies.” It may be true, of course. But at the same time, attempting to decline all legal and ethical responsibility, such services disclaim that all their works are “samples aimed for assistance purposes only.” Which means they are not obligatory to guarantee you any complete works following all academic standards.
  • And third, their writers will hardly worry about your own style and knowledge of the English language. No one checks creativity there, and it’s clear why: a writer dealing with 5-7 essays per day will hardly think of their originality.

I don’t chase excess profits. I don’t take dozens of orders at once. I work by your instructions only, and I don’t have any database of carbon-copy essays to send them over and over again.

How to order papers from me

Let’s make things clear all at once:

When you get in touch, asking something like “write my essay for me, please,” clarify all details. I start working on your paper only after I know all the requirements: a type of paper you need, its topic, style, number of pages or words, academic standards for me to follow, instructions on citations and references, and deadline.

Once your essay is ready and you’ve accepted it, I don’t take it back for revisions, and I won’t give your money back. All issues are being discussed, and all revisions are being made during the writing process.

I work by your instructions only, and I forget your name once your essay is done and submitted.

So, let’s the game begin!

Awaiting for your orders,