21 May 2009 ~ Comments

How to be Annoying on Twitter in Three Easy Steps

Social Media Social Networking Uncategorized
You make me want to eat my electronic young

You make me want to eat my electronic young

This entry has been in the works for awhile and I’d like to send an open thanks to my readers who have been bugging me about a new post. There were certain parts I couldn’t quite get right (and probably still haven’t), but after a weird few weeks in the social mediasphere it’s about as concise as it’s going to get.

Do I know more than the average bear when it comes to social media? Perhaps. I’d like to think that my picnic basket has an extra scone or two in it compared to the everyday BooBoo’s. I learn something new most every day – whether sought out or completely accidental – though I still have “plop my ass in an ant pile” incidents that leave me reeling. My followers have grown considerably and my time to address each has diminished proportionately. As such, there are things that piss-off The Redhead and I can infer that if they’re pissing me off, others are pissed as well.

When individuals and companies choose to engage in social media, there’s a fine line between solicitation and being helpful. One of my tweets this past week was that I was being solicited on Twitter more than a solo businessman in a Vegas bar.  Sure – the hooker is (ahem) “being helpful,” but her thinly-masked end objective is to hawk her wares for a fee. A guy thinks he’s having a pleasant conversation with a beautiful woman and then he’s quoted hourly rates. What the deuce?

It’s annoying, time-consuming and yet again one of the many reasons I follow around HALF the number of people who follow me (see “Don’t Take it Personally, but I’m Not Going to Follow You on Twitter“). Twitter isn’t a popularity contest and it’s not a game of “he who dies with the most followers wins.” When I get a tweet in my stream, I’ve positioned myself to PAY ATTENTION TO IT. It’s hand-selected information from a handful of people and companies.

Just think: the doorbell rings. You’re expecting the pizza delivery guy and you open the door to find…

a Jehovah’s Witness.

Personally, I’m not amused. You’re intruding and what I really want is my damn pizza (my immortal soul can wait).

So, to keep from being the Jehovah’s Witness in my Twitter stream (or the streams of those who follow you), here are three HUGE no-no’s in my book to avoid like the plague. You don’t have to be the pizza delivery guy every day – but you can avoid being unexpected and uninvited.

Small print disclaimer: if you’re a Jehovah’s Witness and take issue with being used as an example of something annoying…bugger off.

Step 1 to Being Annoying on Twitter
Attack me blindly via the Public Stream or keyword searches.

Probably the biggest intrusion ever, you’re horning-in on my conversations with established Tweeps in my stream.  I have been chided for drinking caffeine, pitched software, told to watch a video for Milli Vanilli-look alikes and encouraged to try new Twitter apps. And not by my followers or those I’m following. If you’re using keyword searches to identify people you may want to follow, don’t just jump into the conversation uninvited. Follow. Observe. Listen. And don’t be an Instant Asshole,  Just Add Tweet. You may have JUST the thing that someone needs – but let them ASK you for it FIRST. Otherwise you’re being a Jehovah’s Witness.

And if you’re a scraper (tweeps/spammers who just blindly add people and start tweeting them sales messages) – I’ll say it and say it loudly: you’re dicks. Your time on Twitter will be short-lived as I will announce you’re spam, block you and then others will do the same. You’ll be blocked from the site and then you’ll have to start all over again. Seriously – how much business do spammers really generate from scraping? I’m thinking slim to none.

Step 2 to Being Annoying on Twitter
Be an egotistical narcissist who speaks but does not listen.

I see you over there, pretty Tweep. You with your gazillion follows/followers and 12.4 million updates. Wow. Maybe I should take a look at your shizzat because you seem to be pretty popular with the Tweeps. Click click.

Waaaaaaaaaaait a minute – just wait right there. Why is every other link in your timeline a pitch with a tiny URL? Why are there few to no @ replies? Oh. It’s because you’re an egotistical narcissist who opened up a Twitter account just to hear yourself talk and pitch your crappy e-book, “life coach” seminars or “tricks to get 10,000 followers” to whoever the hell will follow YOU back blindly. A word of advice: if you’re not interested in the conversation, you’re annoying. If you want to talk to a random, untargeted audience and never engage in conversation, grab a boom box and funny hat made of balloons and head out to Central Park or your local mass transit station. I doubt you’ll sell anything (just like I doubt you’ll sell it using these shitty tactics on Twitter), but you might collect some change.

Step 3 to Being Annoying on Twitter (and my personal favorite)
Send out auto-DMs

I’ll say it and I’ve got no problem saying it: if you send me an auto DM, I’ll unfollow you instantly. INSTANTLY. With no hesitation. Those who use auto DMs are making what can be one of the most personal mediums in social media as IMPERSONAL as freakin’ possible. And the lengths you have to go to in order to set one up are staggering. If you put as much effort into your relationship building skills as you did into setting up your auto DM, Christ. I can only imagine how successful you’d be. But then again, the douche bags who send out auto DMs are usually the folks who fall into one of the two categories above as well. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

You don’t have to THANK people for following you. And if you’re following people and looking for their THANKS, get a hobby. I’m sure you’ll find model airplane building or crochet to be much more rewarding than the constant disappointment you’ll experience by people not THANKING you for your having followed them.

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  • I prefer my electronic young with a little salt, extra pepper and a lot of tobasco. And screw 'em, cause it's my twitter and I'll follow who I want to, block who I want to and rant @ who I want to.

    Gr8 info for the masses. (Oh, wait, that's right, it is quality over quantity). Refreshing & brassy.
  • Thanks for this. I try to look at every new follower's profile and nip the annoying ones in the bud. The DM people....grrr! ((I want their street addresses so I can subscribe them to catalogues and bad magazines that send the first three issues free.))

    Beyond the writing "coaches" (but including a few of them) I have found a welcoming and interesting writing community on Twitter, starting with people I know, and growing from there. I didn't expect to like Twitter, but I do. Probably a little too much....as a procrastination aid.
    k
  • I'm going to nit-pick on your #1. You're right to complain about WHAT others SAY when they "horn in on your conversations" in the public stream; you're not right to complain about them saying it.

    This goes all the way back to Usenet: if you want a private conversation, you must take it to e-mail. Or to DMs if they're not too polluted for you to use. LOL

    You've got no reasonable expectation of privacy when you converse in your public stream; that's why it's called "public."

    Yes, that makes me a dick, I guess. Now despise me if you dare. :-)
  • Doesn't make you a dick, Ron. It makes you contentious. Some perceive them as the same animal. Me? I err on the side of calling spades spades.

    Thanks for stopping/stumbling by!
  • I signed up with Twitter way back in February, 2007 and the changes it has gone through in the last 2 1/2 years baffle me. Most of us were bloggers back then, sharing information, engaging with one another and learning. Now, it seems a majority are more concerned with achieving 50,000 followers than taking time to get to know anyone. Good. You have so many followers you haven't a clue if any of them give a rat's patootie about your product/business/whatever you're selling. (Unless you're a legitimate company or media source.

    Twitter is slowly taking the "social" out of social media. If I owned a business and a customer walked through the door, I wouldn't automatically blabber how great my products were, why they should buy, the cost and what a great deal the person was receiving. I would initiate on a personal level, learn the person and the needs and keep in contact. Not many using Twitter to market whatever, are doing this-it's all about the numbers and how popular they can become.

    Oddly enough, I've had more meaningful conversations with writers (a few who have created popular TV shows and news anchors) than some of the so-called experts. The experts want something in return. If I want to be a conversationalist-then so be it- at least I'm being real and followers will understand I don't have a hidden agenda. My advice-be you, forget the rules, (other than auto-DMs-they are annoying), and enjoy learning and conversing from people all over the world.
  • I'm still learning, but when I first signed on with Twitter, I googled who was worth following. You, red lady, were somewhere there in the mix.

    I found you witty, to the point and a fun read. Now I've probably not tweeted you directly 'cause I take this stuff to heart. If I got nothing to say to someone, why bother with da Twit.

    But. You are needed over on Etsy. The sellers have no idea about SEO or Twitter etiquette and some of the admin are having their own growing pains.
    I quote you, I send Matt Cutts' podcasts but still there is mass confusion. What to do?
  • Ken Grindall
    Hey, Red.

    I really need this info, thanks for dishing. I'm on twitter now about a month or so... and I was naively doing Step #2 a lot as I got going (in fact, I think it may have got me un-followed by a certain someone). Now that the stream is getting into my everyday experience, you and several other great examples have helped me adjust course, and start mixing things up in my new updates.

    I don't have any ebooks to sell, by the way, but I have been sharing URLs for a number of solid blogs, mine and friends.

    And hey... now I'm getting annoyed mySELF, by other tweeters, and have had to un-follow more than a few auto-dicks and DM shills. Nothing teaches this lesson better than tasting the medicine first-hand.

    Glad to follow you, Red.

    Ken
  • Amen, sister!

    I just did a search on twellow, and there are exactly 14 Jehovah's Witnesses on twitter, so odds are you're safe from a retaliatory subscription to the Watchtower. Thought you'd like to know. :)
  • funny as hell+climber+mostly irreverent=my hero.
  • I used Tweepular last night to make it easier to learn about new followers, and whether I wish to follow them back. Much to my chagrin, I accidentally hit "Bulk Follow" instead of "Go". Now, my stream is filled with $$$, tiny urls and general crap. I have to figure out which 500+ losers made it into my world. Couldn't agree with you more!
  • Rachel - thanks for reading! A few pointers I could give you about having your business on Twitter:

    1) YES! BE A REAL PERSON! Use a real picture and make your Twitter username the company - in your profile, say who you are with the company and what you do. This way, people know you're a person with a personality.

    2) There have been dozens of articles written (Google "Brands on Twitter") showing that the most successful brands on Twitter are those who attach a person & personality to the corporate profile.

    3) SKIP THE AUTO DMs! Your business is as unique as the customers who patronize you. Don't fall into the trap of automating real-time conversation tools like Twitter. People expect emails and mass mailings to convey uniform messaging - they don't expect mass messaging from a platform that allows a REAL PERSON to sit at a REAL KEYBOARD and type REAL MESSAGES.

    Welcome and I'm glad you stopped by - another tip: put your Twitter username in blog comments :) It's a great way for people to learn who you are and pick up some followers of quality!


    @RedheadWriting
  • Guy - thanks for stopping by and I'll still completely disagree. I hate auto DM's with a passion and can't see how they're useful in ANY way. Using them tells your followers that you're not interested in anything PERSONAL, rather more the AUTOMATIC in nature.

    Do you treat all your customers the same?

    If so, sure - keep using the auto DM.

    If not (and I'm thinking the answer is NO) - then why would you send everyone the same message on Twitter?

    Food for thought and thanks for your ideas :)

    The Redhead
  • Rachel
    Hi there and nice to meet you. Ahhh, I have to admit I'm one of those people who got told to get my business on Twitter... I haven't been there long and as of yet, I know little to nothing of it's workings, just how to load a feed into it and occasionally post a tweet.

    Nice article - gives me some tips on what not to do (that must be why I follow you - you're interesting). However, I've never heard of an auto DM, so have to ask: would it be rude to use it to let my followers know that it's not really a company they just followed - I'm a person with a name, and a life of my own...? It sometimes disturbs me that those people following my company may not be aware of my gender, my age, or my first name. I know its a marketing tool, but how do I get to know my potential customers and new friends if I can't interact with them?

    I think I may look into this auto DM thing a little further. It could be a way to actually start a conversation with a few people...

    Thanks again for the read. It's always worth leaving the Twitter page for good content.
  • Thanks for sharing your insightful information above.

    I'd like to challenge you on one aspect of your article, that being auto DM's. If you have an auto DM that is a sales pitch I would quite agree with you. However, if it is an auto DM that introduces people to your character and your person in a friendly cheerful way I think that is a different story.

    When people follow me they receive an auto DM. It says nothing about what I do but rather explains a brief bit about who I am in what I consider to be a humerous way. There is no link or offer or sales pitch. Just a friendly funny way of saying hello to my new follower.

    On the same note, I use a mixture of conversational and auto messages for my profile. Some are related to topics which would be of interest to people who choose to follow me, but have nothing to do with my own particular mission. Others focus on affiliates and/or information that I believe my followers would be interested in knowing about.

    If the above were all that people receive when they follow me, I would unfollow me. That's why I merge the above with conversational chats as well. Anyways, that is my current approach which is subject to change at my whim.

    My question for you, am I boarding on being one of those annoying Twitters that leave a bad taste in people's mouths or have I found a way to use the tools available to grow as I expand my horizons?

    Thanks for your thoughts
    The Healthy Chocolate Guy of BodyByChocolate on Twitter
  • Um... now you have me worried.. am I the douche bag.. or the conversationalist...?? hmmm...

    I managed to turn off the emails from auto DMs.. and while I was unbelievably annoyed at them..

    I do realize many... a lot in fact, are tweeps who really just don't realize how dumb/offensive/impersonal the whole 'thanks for following me I look forward to your amazing tweets' DMs are.. cuz they really are newbies... but um.. like I'm gonna attempt to point that out to the bunches that were sending them to me?? How to help the newbies out there realize how much they are NOT helping themselves??
  • Thank you for this post. I was sent here by a link on a tweet. - thanks @sharonhayes!

    Note for Tom Funk - though I'm new to this, I've learned from some experienced folk about two things:
    1. Tweetdeck that allows you to organize your tweets more effectively - www.tweetdeck.com
    and
    2. You can choose which users' tweets go on your cell phone - so maybe you want to leave the heavy hitters and look at them online and then have the others go to your phone? Just a thought.

    Karin
  • If everyone on Twitter followed everyone, we would all have an amazing 7M followers and exactly the same information, which nobody would have the time to read. It truly is a question of Quality over Quantity. It can be difficult and time consuming to cull the herd however. perhaps that's the Twitter app we all really need... Un-follow the twats and get real
  • If only ASKIMET made their spam filter work for tweets... they do such a nice job yanking blog comments that meet these criteria, ya know?
  • Nice work, twitter seems to be full of marketing people trying to sell sell sell. It is a shame as the platform is great just full of nonsense these days.
  • I really enjoy your writing style and also agree with your message in this article! Looking foward to your future postings :-)
  • Loved your article. You are right on the money, could not have said any better. I got here because of a RT of the article from a follower who I don't follow.

    I am on a quest and I don't force or intrude on anyone, so I agree with what you say... Thanks- somone had to say it and you did an outstanding JOB.

    TKS
    Gerry
  • twodogszk
    Great post. I was sucked into the auto DM sickness until someone at my office asked me, "What the hell are you doing." Thankfully I was SAVED!!
  • Here, here! People are treating Twitter like a mass-marketing medium, and (I think) it's supposed to be a personal communications medium.

    I also agree with you re: the quality vs. quantity of following you do.

    I'm following only about 100 people, all chosen with some care (most are presonal and business contacts plus the "usual suspects" in web marketing/SEO/SEM/Social media fields).

    Yet I find even at that scale Twitter has already outgrown some of its usefulness for me. Everytime I log on now I can count on seeing posts from Guy Kawasaki and Tim O'Reilly, say, which is great, because I learn a ton. But unless I dig for it I miss a lot of what the less-prolific but no less interesting tweeps are saying.
  • Indeed, Adrienne - sometimes, however, my getting worked-up can shake some sense into another tweep :) And yes, we all have something to sell. The human is, essentially, a whore on some level after all. It's a matter of discretion, methinks!
  • Hi, I'm Adrienne. (/shakehands) I recently started following you based on a recommendation by another person I'm following. Maybe Copyblogger? It's hard to keep track.

    First, I love a good rant and a feisty redhead. Kudos on both fronts! :D

    With that said, I've found it's a lot easier on me, psychologically, if I don't get too worked up about it. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I hope they do the same with me.

    I also try to keep in mind that in the internet marketing industry, we're all trying to sell something. Some people just do so more effectively and ethically than others, and some people get way more leeway because, frankly, they've earned it.
  • Great blog - as always - Red! You are both witty and pithy. I always look forward to your blogs and am never disappointed in the humour department. Keep it up! And see ya out on the rocks!
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