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Before You Strike: Attack Tactics and the Convenience of Communication

June 18, 2009 by redheadwriting

Think twice, read thrice - nobody likes a bully

Think twice, read thrice - nobody likes a bully

Most of my blogs stem from personal experience. Yesterday, it was an unprovoked, out-of-context lashing-out from a follower.

It pissed me off. For a moment, at least. Then it inspired this blog.

I’m exhausted with the blind pretension and (wrongly) implied panoptic permission that stems from the perceived anonymity that accompanies social media and other forms of electronic communications these days. We have the glorious conveniences of texts, DMs (direct messages), Facebook messages and emails and somewhere along the line, there’s a herd that’s emerged who’s forgotten there are people on the other end of their words and responses.

Just because I can’t see you doesn’t mean that I don’t understand you’re a person with a story.

Think about that for a moment: everyone you chit-chat with in the electronic medium is a living, breathing soul. Alongside that comes hopes, dreams, thoughts, feelings and experiences unparalleled by others.

And sometimes there are douchebags.

Yesterday I told a poop joke on Twitter. (collective gasp – no, Erika…not YOU!)

Yeah, me. A friend sent me a stupid joke via email and I read it and laughed. I mean, poop jokes never really get old. Everybody poops. I posted the joke on Twitter, generating the anticipated groans,  snorts and follow-up jokes in the same vein.

Here’s the joke: Why don’t blind people sky dive? Because it scares the poop out of their dogs.

And then I got bitch-slapped from behind.

A follower wrote: “yeah hysterical.. now let’s tell jokes about African Americans and watermelons.”

(blink-blink)

You’re kidding me, right? I made a poop joke and now this person’s entitled to align me with a racist stereotype?

After much reiteration that it was a joke (JOKE – check it out) and the same user’s insistence that I take a class on people with disabilities (for realz), I blocked the user. No ifs, ands or buts. I cared not to expend any more of my bandwidth on the meaningless exchange.

Action regretted? No. My prerogative? Hell yes.

Here’s the skinny: it comes down to context.

All too often in written conversations, there’s the ability for things to be taken out of context. We don’t have the benefit of personal knowledge for many/most that comprise our network in the online space, and if a phrase is absent one of a myriad of “emoticons” to denote intended inflection and tone, we’re screwed.

What did they mean?

Sit down, shut up and ASK. Get the context. When you jump into the middle of someone else’s conversation that’s not directed at you (and didn’t even originate with you), you’re not entitled to horn-in on the offensive just because you can SEE certain words. Doing shit like that at a bar would have your ass kicked right and proper. At the office, it would have you labeled a “nosey neighbor” and ostracized from the watercooler gossip games. The anonymity that accompanies online communications doesn’t grant anyone the right to say whatever the hell it is they want.

It grants the privilege to engage in conversations, meet others and share ideas.

Yesterday, I wasn’t even granted the courtesy of an inquiry into my intention behind the joke (intention being – I laughed at a poop joke). I was lambasted with a comment aligning my puerile joke with a racial slur and caught completely off guard by someone who has previously NEVER interacted with me and I never them (and if I ever had, it’s long since been forgotten). Now, I don’t know this person’s story either – perhaps jokes about dogs pooping mid-air when jumping out of airplanes resonate and hit a nerve. Maybe they also give high marks to bank tellers and airline counter agents. However, had they made an inquiry into MY story instead of launching their racially-laden tweet bomb, here’s what they might have discovered:

I, @RedheadWriting, the Foul-Mouthed Lass, F-Bomb Aficionado, and She Sans Filter – am the last person who needs to take a class with regards to persons with disabilities and those differently-abled. While acerbic in wit, I am essentially soft at heart. I give because it hurts more to not give and I feel it’s my obligation while I walk six feet up (OK – 5′4″) to help others in whatever way I can.

  • I live each day with an autistic nephew and my heart fills with admiration when I look at my sister and her family on how they cope, grow and revel in victories as they travel through his development. Having experienced the days where I couldn’t even touch him to those now when he comes up and gives me a willing hug…it’s a testament to the fact that I believe those labeled as “disabled” are merely “differently abled.”
  • Last week, I dedicated a day of my Twitter existence to raising money to support autism research. (special thanks goes to @iamthechad, @m1nd7r1p, @poolboydeluxe, @bradwerntz, @canoelover and others who kindly made donations to the autism-focused charity of their choice)
  • In 2008, I dedicated a year of my life to founding and operating my own 501(c)(3) organization called “Woman on Top: because there’s more to climb than the corporate ladder.” My year was dedicated to assembling a group of climbers to raise money throughout the year to support the Foundation for Positively Kids, a Nevada nonprofit organization dedicated to building the first inpatient skilled pediatric nursing facility in the state. We climbed Kilimanjaro for the cause – 4 women and one very brave, estrogen-suffocated man. We summited on September 26, 2009. It was exhausting – both running/financing the non-profit and making the journey – but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Thank you @unlaced (Meghan), Amy, Cindiman and Brandon for making the journey with me.

So before you attack – ASK. Become familiar before you point the finger. There are always going to be the folk who act like asses regardless of the environment – online or otherwise. They’re also likely the ones who place more value in contention than in collaboration. Screw ‘em – but try to not be one of them. The recipients of your literary javelins that you hurl into cyberspace – they’ve got stories of their own. You’re not always going to please everyone and there’s nothing wrong with requesting clarification and then taking a calculated stand – but there’s no reason to be a douchebag.

Some parting thoughts from The Redhead:

  • Retaliatory and rash actions aren’t accepted in business. Ever. Why would you use them online?
  • A keyboard and screen don’t make you anonymous. They merely obscure – and temporarily at that.
  • Words are telling – how you choose to use them, even more so.

Posted in Blogging, Social Media, Social Networking, facebook, linkedin, twitter | Tagged , , | 8 Comments »

Social Media on $3.89 a Week

June 9, 2009 by redheadwriting

Feed your social media efforts with care

Feed your social media efforts with care

Every Sunday, I stop at the grocery store. I generally grab some fresh flowers and various odds and ends – but there’s one thing I never forget: a bag of apples. And no – I’m not worried about keeping the doctor away.

On my way into work and while running around town each day, there’s always someone standing on the corner with a sign. Someone whose life is in a different place than mine. The apples are for them. Yeah, I’m the asshole who holds-up traffic as I roll through the stoplight at a snail’s pace because I’m handing someone an apple.

One day it was a med student with a sign asking for tuition money. This past Friday, it was a rather clever sign that said, “You’re getting very sleepy…you will give me money.” Another was (my all-time fave), “I know – get a job bum!“

No matter what the sign says, there’s an apple.

In a time where we’re faced with a challenging economy and businesses are all seemingly scraping and battling for the same customer, this week’s blog is about buying your business a bag of apples. I’m talking about altruism, and it applies to your business, your social media efforts and pretty much life in general.

Let’s consider: how much of a jerk would I be if, after doling out an apple to someone in need, I stood there waiting for them to do something for me in return?

It’s no different in your business and personal life. I’m annoyed by those who dangle the carrot, interested more in their own bottom line than the lining of someone else’s stomach.

Let me preface the remainder of this (short) entry by saying that no one gets up in the morning and goes to work for free. Business, by design, is to generate revenue. There are plenty of incredible people out there who make livings out of teaching others how to do things – but most of them don’t call themselves “experts” or “gurus.”  They’re consultants and their businesses thrive (just like yours) on referrals from other satisfied customers.

But in social media, business and your own life, how cool is it when you happen upon a tasty morsel – and you didn’t have to pay for it?

When no one said:

“Sure, I’ll tweet your blog if you pimp my (piece of shit) eBook that runs my readers $29.95.”

“Yeah, I’ll help you move if you help me pick up the dog crap in my backyard.”

Life brings us surprises each and every day and if you’re using social media to drive your business’ bottom line and not seeing results: you’re doing it wrong. Remember that awesome line out of the 80’s classic file “Mr. Mom” when Michael Keaton’s kids told him “you’re doing it wrong?” He didn’t believe them until a fellow parent came along and confirmed it: “You’re doing it wrong.”

Stop taking the “220…221…whatever it takes” approach to your social media efforts and get in there with a bag of apples. Stop being concerned about what you’ll get in return from your blog posts (and by the way, this blog monetizes itself only through referrals and readers who have become clients – and thanks to all of you). Stop being the undeniable douchebag whose StumbleUpon and Twitter stream are filled with “guru” and “expert” statements and lack any sort of conversation. Just stop already.

When someone asks a question, respond with heartfelt personal experience. If it’s relevant, link them to one of your blog entries or an article you’ve written on the topic. Share a blog comment. Engage.

When someone needs a retweet (it’s people helping people), tweet it. Even if it’s outside of the topics you generally talk about with your followers, lick it and stick it in your stream. They’ll appreciate it. Especially if it’s something like THIS from @manicmother – I don’t know her, but shit. The least I can do is share this with my readers and hope it helps.  Her infant son has cancer and faces 3 years of chemo. Fuck cancer.

Stop faciliating bad social media behavior. Quit rewarding the disingenuous, the number hounds, gurus and experts with follow-backs and tit-for-tat moves that don’t do anything except piss off your true fans and those who look to your content for advice and on occasion, a laugh.

Fill your social media basket with altruism like I fill the passenger seat of my car with apples. You don’t have to give away the pie in order to let your peers have a nosh on your apples of knowledge. And unlike the whole mythical Adam & Eve scenario, you’re never going to get bashed for sharing the fruits of your labor. Quit marketing and start conversing.

So yeah – apples.

Get some. Some weeks, I go through 2 bags – a mere $3.89 each. I never even realize how many I’ve given away until I’m on my last one.

Then give some.

And then walk away…with your hands in your pockets, not extended for the reciprocal handout.

And unlike in social media, the folks on the corner I give the apples to always say “thank you.”

I wonder why that is.

Posted in Social Media, Social Networking, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 8 Comments »

How to be Annoying on Twitter in Three Easy Steps

May 21, 2009 by redheadwriting

 

You make me want to eat my electronic young

You make me want to eat my electronic young

This entry has been in the works for awhile and I’d like to send an open thanks to my readers who have been bugging me about a new post. There were certain parts I couldn’t quite get right (and probably still haven’t), but after a weird few weeks in the social mediasphere it’s about as concise as it’s going to get.

 

Do I know more than the average bear when it comes to social media? Perhaps. I’d like to think that my picnic basket has an extra scone or two in it compared to the everyday BooBoo’s. I learn something new most every day – whether sought out or completely accidental – though I still have “plop my ass in an ant pile” incidents that leave me reeling. My followers have grown considerably and my time to address each has diminished proportionately. As such, there are things that piss-off The Redhead and I can infer that if they’re pissing me off, others are pissed as well.

When individuals and companies choose to engage in social media, there’s a fine line between solicitation and being helpful. One of my tweets this past week was that I was being solicited on Twitter more than a solo businessman in a Vegas bar.  Sure – the hooker is (ahem) “being helpful,” but her thinly-masked end objective is to hawk her wares for a fee. A guy thinks he’s having a pleasant conversation with a beautiful woman and then he’s quoted hourly rates. What the deuce? 

It’s annoying, time-consuming and yet again one of the many reasons I follow around HALF the number of people who follow me (see “Don’t Take it Personally, but I’m Not Going to Follow You on Twitter“). Twitter isn’t a popularity contest and it’s not a game of “he who dies with the most followers wins.” When I get a tweet in my stream, I’ve positioned myself to PAY ATTENTION TO IT. It’s hand-selected information from a handful of people and companies.

Just think: the doorbell rings. You’re expecting the pizza delivery guy and you open the door to find…

a Jehovah’s Witness.

Personally, I’m not amused. You’re intruding and what I really want is my damn pizza (my immortal soul can wait).

So, to keep from being the Jehovah’s Witness in my Twitter stream (or the streams of those who follow you), here are three HUGE no-no’s in my book to avoid like the plague. You don’t have to be the pizza delivery guy every day – but you can avoid being unexpected and uninvited.

Small print disclaimer: if you’re a Jehovah’s Witness and take issue with being used as an example of something annoying…bugger off.
 

Step 1 to Being Annoying on Twitter
Attack me blindly via the Public Stream or keyword searches.

Probably the biggest intrusion ever, you’re horning-in on my conversations with established Tweeps in my stream.  I have been chided for drinking caffeine, pitched software, told to watch a video for Milli Vanilli-look alikes and encouraged to try new Twitter apps. And not by my followers or those I’m following. If you’re using keyword searches to identify people you may want to follow, don’t just jump into the conversation uninvited. Follow. Observe. Listen. And don’t be an Instant Asshole,  Just Add Tweet. You may have JUST the thing that someone needs – but let them ASK you for it FIRST. Otherwise you’re being a Jehovah’s Witness.

And if you’re a scraper (tweeps/spammers who just blindly add people and start tweeting them sales messages) – I’ll say it and say it loudly: you’re dicks. Your time on Twitter will be short-lived as I will announce you’re spam, block you and then others will do the same. You’ll be blocked from the site and then you’ll have to start all over again. Seriously – how much business do spammers really generate from scraping? I’m thinking slim to none.
 

Step 2 to Being Annoying on Twitter
Be an egotistical narcissist who speaks but does not listen.

I see you over there, pretty Tweep. You with your gazillion follows/followers and 12.4 million updates. Wow. Maybe I should take a look at your shizzat because you seem to be pretty popular with the Tweeps. Click click.

Waaaaaaaaaaait a minute –  just wait right there. Why is every other link in your timeline a pitch with a tiny URL? Why are there few to no @ replies? Oh. It’s because you’re an egotistical narcissist who opened up a Twitter account just to hear yourself talk and pitch your crappy e-book, “life coach” seminars or “tricks to get 10,000 followers” to whoever the hell will follow YOU back blindly. A word of advice: if you’re not interested in the conversation, you’re annoying. If you want to talk to a random, untargeted audience and never engage in conversation, grab a boom box and funny hat made of balloons and head out to Central Park or your local mass transit station. I doubt you’ll sell anything (just like I doubt you’ll sell it using these shitty tactics on Twitter), but you might collect some change.
 

Step 3 to Being Annoying on Twitter (and my personal favorite)
Send out auto-DMs

I’ll say it and I’ve got no problem saying it: if you send me an auto DM, I’ll unfollow you instantly. INSTANTLY. With no hesitation. Those who use auto DMs are making what can be one of the most personal mediums in social media as IMPERSONAL as freakin’ possible. And the lengths you have to go to in order to set one up are staggering. If you put as much effort into your relationship building skills as you did into setting up your auto DM, Christ. I can only imagine how successful you’d be. But then again, the douche bags who send out auto DMs are usually the folks who fall into one of the two categories above as well. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

You don’t have to THANK people for following you. And if you’re following people and looking for their THANKS, get a hobby. I’m sure you’ll find model airplane building or crochet to be much more rewarding than the constant disappointment you’ll experience by people not THANKING you for your having followed them.

Posted in Social Media, Social Networking, twitter | Tagged , , , | 22 Comments »

Rethinking Square One: Why Starting Over is B.S.

April 22, 2009 by redheadwriting

Business isn't a playground game

Business isn't a playground game

Face it: sometimes business sucks. Something we’ve put  a ton of effort into craps the bed and we’re left with no choice but to scrap everything and…

start over. Go back to square one. Ask our buddy for a “gimme.”

Business (and life as well) is a funny creature that tends to shake foundations juuuuuuust when we’re hitting our stride. It’s the source of locker room grumblings, water cooler gossip and what keeps my massage therapist in business. After getting bitch-slapped by life last week and feeling that I was going to (yet again) have to start over, it finally occurred to me: we never, EVER, start over.

Now, before you all start wondering if my business imploded or I’ve broken-up with someone (no and no), I’ll just say that last week was a series of events that snowballed into one big ‘ol stick-my-head-in-the-sand-and-don’t-want-to-come-out-until-2010.  We all have those weeks on occasion. This one gave me a moment of clarity that’s the topic of this week’s blog.

Starting over is bullshit. Total horse crap. Grade-A fertilizer material and the stuff of which self-help books are made. While I’m sure that I could parlay this blog into a book deal that would fly off the shelves and into the hands of whiny businessfolk far and near, I’ll sum it up in a few sentences. Refill your coffee and have a seat.

We never start over. No matter if you’re a sprinter coming back to the starting line to run yet another race, a businessperson with a company that’s folded, a guy who just broke-up with his gal or a chef in the kitchen ready to make another pecan pie after the first one refused to set-up and resulted in a pie shell of hot pecan soup (not that it’s ever happened to me…whistling). Every experience gives us an invaluable set of tools to bring into the next go-round.

It’s time we start appreciating the tools and quit bitching that they’re in a blue toolbox because we had our heart set on a red one.

While it’s impossible to go through life without a base level of expectations, they really are the mother of all disappointment. Yeah, it sucks that things didn’t turn out the way we planned, but in the Target store of life, we’ve been able to fill-up our cart with a litany of useful thoughts, experiences and feelings. As life throws us those occasional curve balls, we have to watch the cashier scan them one by one and then present us with the damage. I say pay for your mother lode with enthusiasm! Whip out cash and take ownership of it all right there. Then take your baggage, roll it happily to your car and…

hop on the back of the cart and go for a ride.

Hell, you can even yell, “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” as you scream through the parking lot on your plastic hot rod.

Bottom line: there is no “starting over.” Not in business, relationships or all the other that life brings our way. There are, however, awesome opportunities to take on new tasks and adventures with your loaded-to-the-hilt blue toolbox.

And guess what? No one’s going to even notice it’s not red.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 8 Comments »

Bringing Back Mayberry: Reflections on Connections in Social Media

April 6, 2009 by redheadwriting

Social Media - Bringing Back Mayberry

Social Media - Bringing Back Mayberry

I just mused over on my Facebook status: “Erika Napoletano thinks it’s possible she’s too connected.”

Which immediately prompted a comment from Rob McNealy: “Is that possible?”

This is what I ponder on a Sunday night, surrounded by my menagerie of animals with my laptop perched on its namesake, a belly full of dinner and a furrowed brow. I’ve been playing with the subject of this week’s blog for about three weeks now, waiting for the juices to churn and produce something coherent and thoughtful. I think I’ve got it, yet you’ll ultimately be the judge.

The beauty of the interwebz is that we can find anything, anywhere. A few keystrokes, a click and ka-bam! Instant electronic gratification. It’s changed the way business market, the speed at which people share information, how we date, and how we hire/fire/validate employees. To steal a vital word from Roland the Gunslinger (likely my favorite Stephen King creation), “The world has moved on.” No longer are we limited in our reach by what’s near and immediate. We’ve become a generation of brats who insist on the instantaneous access that “new media” provides.

Through social media, we’ve brought back Mayberry – the town where everyone knows your name and personalities are as distinct as Aunt Bee’s recipe for fried chicken. Whatever social media application(s) you choose to compliment your pursuits, you can build networks reaching near and far with the same small town feel. There’s the Newscaster, the Traffic Cop, the Drunk and the Town Kook – all are alive and well on our computer screens alongside of their distinct ways of conveying life through words and emoticons. ;-)

As I write this, one of my Facebook contacts has just chimed-in with, “It’s not what you know, it’s WHO you know.”

That’s step one.

Step two comes with the admitted perils of small-town living: it’s also about who knows YOU.

As a blogger, Tweep, Stumbler and Facebook Friend, I acknowledge my existence is very public. But small town living is a prime breeding ground for viral thought – the main reason that most of us are attracted to social media in the first place. Good news travels fast and bad news faster, there are days in the social mediasphere that I’m reminded that I have, in essence, surrounded myself in Mayberry with a delightful bunch of nosey neighbors.

See, there’s the bliss of small-town living where you know your neighbors, they’ve got your back and will watch your house while you kick it in the mountains for the weekend. And then there’s the flip side to the coin where the small town you’ve built for yourself gives way to the self-interested, those with ill-intent, the bitchers/moaners/complainers and those who (quite frankly) have no damned business knowing what the hell you’re up to at any given time. On the bliss side, it’s cool to be missed when you occasionally “unplug,” yet it’s kind of a pain in the ass to have it be a surprise that you actually DO unplug.

So I’ve started asking myself: why do I build my Mayberry? 

And more importantly: who will be my neighbors?

We might be in a real estate crisis nationwide with housing developments shutting down construction left and right, but social media’s building new Mayberrys each and every day. I’m pretty damn fortunate that I truly adore what I do for a living, as it makes the Mayberry I’ve created and continue to build all the more rewarding. But I want to throw out there some simple rules that I’m learning to live by, as I’m sure I’ve got some remodeling and Department of Public Works tasks that need tending-to in this not-so-little town I’m still developing:

  • Unplug. Step away from the iPhone, close your TweetDeck, ignore your Facebook alerts, leave your StumbleUpon mail unopened. It will all be there when you get back. There’s a world out there beyond that sexy little high-tech flat panel monitor that sucks you in day after day – check it out. And check out.
     
  • You don’t have to be everyone’s friend. I’ve started asking people on Facebook who submit friend requests, “Hi! How do we know one another?” While I publish how to connect with me on Facebook across all of my blog presences, it’s OK to not be everyone’s friend. This goes for Twitter as well. It’s no mystery to my readers how I feel about too many cooks in the kitchen, and while we’re all out there to grow our networks with useful, insightful partners, I just can’t abide by the auto-follow back concept. If you choose to do it – cool. I can’t deal. I currently have an 800 Tweep gap between my follows/followers, and I anticipate it will only get larger. Hell, I’m just amazed daily that there are 2100 people interested in what I have to say!
     
  • Altruism rules. It’s pretty shitty of me to ask someone what they’re bringing to my dinner party if I’ve just extended the invitation. So I don’t do it. I started as a listener in the social mediasphere and work every day to become a better one (and that goes for daily life as well). Listening begets sharing. It prompts new conversations, thoughts and concepts to bubble to the surface of the beaker atop the Bunsen burner in our brain. When you listen and share instead of demand an audience, I dunno – personally, it’s made me want to listen even more.
     
  • Keep it personal. Anyone could sit down at Sheriff Andy’s table, partake in Aunt Bee’s home-cooked concoctions and dish about life in a small town. I am completely annoyed by the pervasive nature of auto-DM’s on Twitter and those who are actively choose to make their Mayberrys as impersonal as possible. Why would anyone send out a form letter via a medium that’s designed to bring people closer together? There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for relationships that have developed with virtual-cum-actual Tweeps like @theclimbergirl, @jennfields, @naomimimi, @justasungod and more! But not a single one of them started with an auto-DM. They all started with: “Wow, I like what this person has to say. Maybe I’ll listen.” I personally liken the auto-DM to getting pulled over for speeding, kicking the cop in the nuts and then asking him to let you off with a warning.
     
  • Hold a “town meeting” with yourself every now an then. Whether it’s for your social media efforts, your business, personal life or some permutation thereof – give yourself permission to check in on your status. Why are you doing what you’re doing? What has it netted? What do you hope it will bear? Do you know your neighbors? Who are your true friends? What’s in your toolbox? How large is your Mayberry? If you find that your networking has netted a small town that’s growing more like an out of control Deadwood than the Mayberry you envisioned…change it.

So yeah. Those are my reflections on connections. Maybe I’m not “too connected” but rather need to continue to prioritize and check out after I do some scheduled checking-up every now an then. Prompted to write by the fact that I almost used a hash tag in a conversation with a date, it was time for a reality check. The Mayberry I’ve built? I love my neighbors and I learn from them every day. I look forward to getting to know them more personally as time moves on, but I’ll issue fair warning: I do unplug. I will “abandon ship.”  The Redhead’s got a day gig that requires (and deserves) her attention and there’s a crapload of stuff I do that does not involve status updates, TwitPics or other electronic morsels of knowledge. I might have a public presence, but I need to do better at retaining a sense of privacy. Why? Because even in Mayberry, people close their doors.

Posted in Social Media, Social Networking, facebook, twitter | Tagged , | 14 Comments »

Time to Get Social – Help Keep a Murderer in Jail

March 6, 2009 by redheadwriting

Social media’s given me the gift of connecting with friends from many years ago, and in this instance – over 20 years ago. I met Rachel Skelton…well, it must have been in junior high school. We were thick as thieves through high school and there are plenty of photos to the effect.

Her sister RaLynn was brutally murdered by her boyfriend in 1992, a year after Rachel and I graduated from high school. It was surreal to hear from my friend – one of my best friends – that her sister had been murdered and her body placed in the trunk of her car and set to burn in the middle of a field…all of this in our hometown of Houston, Texas.

If you find her story touches you in ANY way, find a moment in your day to send a letter to the Texas Department of Corrections to ensure that this man stays behind bars. He’s up for parole.

I find it pathetic that she and her family will have to endure this process every two years. If you believe that a man who murdered his girlfriend and then burned her remains and car in the middle of a field should be kept behind bars (where he belongs) – please let your voice be heard.

I write for a living. But there are some things that my words cannot express. Therefore, below you’ll find Rachel’s words (follow her on Twitter @RachelSMD). While the bold emphasis in some sections is my own, the content is purely hers. 

Erika

Hello friends and family,

I am sending you this urgent request.

Please help me keep a murderer in jail. I have attached a very long an extremely personal and emotion letter that I wrote 2 years ago in my efforts to keep my sister’s murderer in jail. She was murdered by her boyfriend in 1992. Many of you probably remember the situation. We were successful that time but we received word this week that he is being reviewed again for parole. It is normal for convicted criminals in our system to obtain the right for parole after serving only ¼ of their sentence and then they get reviewed every 2 years thereafter for another chance to get out and walk free. The address, fax number and email is listed below if you would like to send a letter on our behalf requesting he not be released. Once again this information is very personal and it is a long story. You may not even want to read it. I cry when I have to think about this and I have not written my new letter yet since I received my notification last week. If you do decide to mail, fax or email a note in protest of his release, I would like to thank you in advance for your time and efforts. Be sure to include the convict’s name, state ID and TDCJ ID in your letter. It does not have to be long protest, a few short sentences will do. Thanks for reading this.

Send letters of protest to:

Victim Services Division
Angela McCown
8712 Shoal Creek Blvd.
Suite 265
Austin, Texas 78757-6899

Re: Rex Andrew Alexander
State ID # 04433725
TDCJ ID # 00648577
Victim.svc@tdcj.state.tx.us

Fax 512-452-0825

Below is Rachel’s letter to the Victim Services Division from two years ago:

Dear Sir/Madam:

I knew that these parole hearings would soon be forthcoming, but when we received the letter last week and it became real, I was overcome with grief and then anger. I was also scared. We were provided this information 3 months into the parole process. What if we were never informed of these proceedings? Even worse, what if he gets out? Rex Andrew Alexander, the murderer who took my sister from me, is being considered for release. I am sick. The thought of his possibly being released causes me a great deal of pain. It has taken me over a week to write this because it is too emotional and difficult to see through the tears that begin to fall immediately from my eyes.

We knew him as Andy, and I will refer to him as such in this letter.

I cannot believe that a person who has the capacity to commit such horrific crimes can be rehabilitated. There is no such thing for those that murder. Andy killed my sister. Andy disposed of her body by hiding it in the trunk of her own car then left her in that trunk and dumped the car in a field. Andy returned later to set her body, and then the car on fire. This is the calculated actions of a very sick man that feels nothing. He obviously does not know right from wrong. Andy never once showed an ounce of remorse during the entire ordeal 13 years ago. Rex Andrew Alexander does not deserve a second chance. RaLynn does not get a second chance at life. I will never get to see my sister again. I will never get to talk to her again. She will never have a family of her own. My children will never know her. I miss her terribly. I cannot stop crying as I write this. It would simply be unjust to allow Andy the things he denied to my sister RaLynn. He took her away from us and it is so unfair. Andy’s family can visit him, write to him, hear his voice. I will never, get those opportunities with my sister. Never again!!

The last time I saw my sister she was on her way to work. She told us she was going to stop by Andy’s house. He had called and wanted some things that she had. We never got to see her again. She did not make it to work. We reported her missing and everyone was worried for the next few days. That worry turned to terror when we were awakened by the police one morning around 3:30 a.m. RaLynn’s car was found ablaze in a field with a charred body in the trunk. The police officer held out his hand. When he opened it, he held my sister’s jewelry in his palm. I crumbled into the arms of my husband, who immediately extended his leave from active Naval duties. I was 19 years old. My mother was out of town. I had to deal with this. It turns out that RaLynn was so badly burned that even the dental records I had to drop off at the coroner’s office were insufficient in the identification process. It was the jewelry that was taken from her body that provided the positive identification – that, and the confession that was later taken from Andy.

After the police left, I drove to Cleveland to get my grandparents to help me since my Mom was out of town on a previously scheduled business trip. They came to my house along with many other family members. Later that day, Andy joined us in our home. He walked around yelling angry words in the air, swearing he would find out who did this. He sat at the kitchen table. He put his arms around my Granny and Paw Paw acting as though he could console them. He ate at our table and then less than 24 hours later confessed to the murder of my sister while being questioned at the police station. How dare he come into our home, accept our hospitality, talk to me and my family, eat at my table. He was probably laughing at us the whole time. I am sickened that he entertained himself at my home in that way. He is a monster. I feel nauseous just writing this and still cry when I have to talk about it.

My parents are divorced. My father went into a deep depression due to this situation. He was an alcoholic and then became a sick alcoholic, unable to work or function. Because he lived alone, he had a very difficult time coping with the loss of his daughter. He became more reclusive and withdrawn and is still that way.

Additionally, we were forced to worry about the stress on my younger sister Roxann, who was due to deliver her baby within days of this news. Luckily she delivered a healthy baby boy. His name is Justin Tyler Alexander. This child is related by blood to the man who murdered my sister RaLynn. I have two sisters, RaLynn and Roxann. They were dating brothers – twins. This forever ties us to Andy’s family. It is very difficult to see Justin’s family and not think of Andy and what he did. We will never be able to have a normal relationship with Justin’s father’s family. An additional thing Andy has stolen from us, and an innocent, then unborn, child. This entire situation is totally unfair to Justin. We were sickened by the fact that Justin’s father would take him to the jail to see his uncle. Because of Andy there has been stress in the relationship between Justin’s mom and dad. I do not even want to imagine the strain that would occur if Andy is set free. The trauma Justin could be subjected to will be totally unfair. He is a child and does not have the ability to avoid this murderer, especially if he is visiting with his father. I wonder if Andy will see the resemblance that Justin shares with his Aunt RaLynn. Would Andy mistreat his nephew if he reminds him of RaLynn? Will he hurt him too? Will he come after one of us? I will fear for myself, my family, and my own children.

RaLynn had recently acquired a night job, so that she could care for Roxann’s newborn. She planned to take care of the new baby during the day while Roxann finished high school. RaLynn and Roxann were inseparable. RaLynn was so excited about being an Aunt. We had just had a baby shower for Roxann. RaLynn totally planned it and couldn’t wait for delivery day. RaLynn was murdered 9 days prior to the birth of her nephew. She never even got to see him. Roxann had a difficult time the following semester having to acquire a job to pay for daycare so that she could finish school and provide for him. She did not get the help she deserved from her baby’s father since we were caught up in legal proceedings concerning this murder. It hurt her too deeply to see the father of her baby, to fight in front of her child, because her child’s uncle killed our sister. Andy also burned our car. We did not have money to replace that car. This left Roxann with no transportation.

The night my sister was murdered, before she left to go work, we were discussing my upcoming wedding ceremony. RaLynn had formerly been in choir and I wanted her to sing in my wedding. We were discussing what songs she might like to sing and during what part of the ceremony she could do it. We never got to finish that conversation. Six months later, as I stood at the altar reciting my wedding vows, looking over at my friends and family, I could not help but notice the empty spot where she should have been standing. Friends of my husband sang during our ceremony. I was thinking, I wish my sister was singing right now. When I look at the pictures of my family she is not there. She is supposed to be there. RaLynn did not get to see me get married. She did not get to stand with me. She did not get to see her nephew be born. She did not get the chance to get married herself or have the babies she wanted to have. She did not get to do so many things we had planned for our futures. Andy took all that away from us.

As I sit here writing this, crying, my daughter who is 7 asks me, “Mom, why are you crying?” I have to explain to her again that I am upset and miss her Aunt RaLynn. The aunt she will never know. She asks me again, “Why did Andy kill our Aunt RaLynn?” I tell her that there are just some very bad people in this world and that we are safe from him, he is locked up in jail. She says, “Don’t be sad Mom.” Now I am crying more. I wish my daughters could meet her. I hope to never have to explain to her why he is not in jail.

If Andy is released I will feel sick and disappointed in our system. He is a danger to our family and to society as a whole. Please do not release him from jail. Andy deserves no less than to serve his full punishment, which is much shorter than the punishment everyone who knows RaLynn will be subjected to. The short time in jail in no way compares to the lifetime we will be forced to live without our sister, friend, etc…

Sincerely,

Rachel Ramirez

Posted in Relationships, Social Media, facebook | Tagged , , , | 9 Comments »

The Importance of Blogging Earnest

February 25, 2009 by redheadwriting

Responsibility comes with holding an audience...

Responsibility comes with holding an audience...

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple. Modern life would be very tedious if it were either, and modern literature a complete impossibility!”

- Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest, Act 1

First and foremost – thanks for stopping by for what’s either a repeat or introductory dose of my redheaded ruminations. If you’re a regular here, my style and means for delivering messages shouldn’t shock you. If you’re new – well, then I might not be for you. Regardless of your ultimate affinity for me, I never forget that I have a responsibility to my audience. As Oscar Wilde so eloquently stated above, truth is rarely pure or simple. As a writer across a broad range of mediums, I find that there’s quite the amount of joy in the “grey area” that lies between pure and simple and that it sparks some of the most lively discussions I’ve witnessed or joined.

As the truth is rarely absolute, I thought this week would be an excellent time to discuss the importance of blogging earnest.

Well aware that there are as many opinions as the world has assholes (and more, given that in-laws generally have multiple opinions to share), I acknowledge that my public presence in the blogosphere and interwebz leaves me an open and easy target for those opinions that differ from mine. Cool – completely cool. There are some rules that I follow, however, when crafting these weekly opinions of mine for all to judge. If you’re a fellow blogger, journalist, writer or just someone who stops by for my snarky two cents on social media and the like, perhaps you’ll find something here of value to take into your own online or printed prose. 

The Redhead’s Rules for Blogging Earnest

Form an opinion – a clear one.

Each post should have a clearly defined title and purpose so your readers know what to expect. It’s OK to have opinions and it’s the diversity of thought that makes the blogosphere such a freakin’ cool place. Stop apologizing and start writing. Yet, there are a few more steps…

Make your case.

Of the utmost importance. Don’t be an asshole and feed your audience pedestrian pablum like “some people say” or “I read this thing” or “I’m not going to mention any names.” That’s total crap and you know it. Respect the fact that your audience is intelligent and capable of forming their own opinions. Present your case, substantiate your argument and acknowledge you’re going to have those who take issue with your stance. That’s outrageous news for you – if you incite your audience to applaud or throw stones, you’ve moved them and done your job. Indifference — now THAT’S deadly. Here’s a perfect time to mention…

Cite your sources.

There’s not a single post I’ve written that’s originated because the Angel Gabriel flew down, landed on my shoulder and handed me a magic banana milkshake that spawned an original thought. All thoughts originate from somewhere…something…some other blogger’s post…an article you read…a conversation with a friend. Whether you’re giving props or taking issue, cite your sources so your audience, if so compelled, can see the basis for your argument. There are few instances in the blogosphere where citing sources as “anonymous” is anything other than (in my redheaded opinion) complete bullshit. See point (1) above about forming an opinion. If you’re not capable of stating an opinion that’s substantiated by anything beyond “I’m not going to mention any names,” maybe it’s time to move on to a different blog topic.

Join the conversation.

When the comments start rolling in on your post, address them. Whether they laud you as the second coming of Christ or damn you as the antithesis, you’re indebted to your readers for their feedback. A blogger without a comment-generating following is pretty much just talking to him or herself. Don’t delete comments that state a differing opinion. It is, however, perfectly acceptable to have a Comments Policy – PR Squared has an excellent one. Just go to leave a comment and you’ll view its sane yet explicit glory.

Stick to your guns or eat the crow. 

Your post was important enough a subject to you that you wrote a blog while you could have been doing something else. As a writer in any medium, your posts/musings should be viewed as your lover: you may not end up liking everything it is that they do, but you’ll support them. And on occasion, you’re going to have to admit that you’re wrong.

Don’t delete a post out of controversy – admit that you fucked-up. Eat the crow. You accepted the consequences once you chose to post your blog in the first place. Don’t squelch your lover and walk away. Lovers talk – to girlfriends, boyfriends, Facebook friends, Tweeps, Diggers, Stumblers and more. Better they talk about how you were able to not only hold your own in a heated discussion, but also admit error or a change of heart in light of new facts.

***** 

That’s it. That’s all I’ve got for this week. I’ll end by saying that the above is the process *I* go through when writing a blog.

Say it. Support it. Send it out. Watch it burn.

Would love to hear what my readers have to say about this – are there practices you use that you consider to be “blogging in earnest?”  As bloggers, our readers come back because they enjoy our style, approach and the fact that we’re not out to hoodwink them with our words. We owe them solid arguments, not just kumbayah fluff posts filled with heresay. I believe in blogging earnest because I own my words, my feelings and my style. If you don’t like it, don’t read my blog. But don’t throw fruit at me on the web and think I won’t catch its splatter.

One of the most comlimentary things about having readers who like what you write is that they get your back. They’ll let you know who’s saying what about you quite often – good and bad. Nothing sucks more than a blind attack, false quote, inaccurate facts, or…missing out on the voice of your audience because you’re just not listening.

A HUGE thank you to my readers – and thanks for consistently letting me know what you think. And if I ever forget the importance of blogging earnest – call me out on my bullshit.

Posted in Blogging, Social Media, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments »

Don’t Take it Personally, but I’m Not Going to Follow You on Twitter

February 18, 2009 by redheadwriting

I cook risotto for my Tweeps...

I cook risotto for my Tweeps…

It’s another week where I’m going to be the jerk. The raving a-hole as I lay out my business beans on the table for my readers.

I’m not going to follow you on Twitter.

That is, unless you can tell my WHY I SHOULD.

I’ve never followed anyone with the hopes of getting a “follow back” and don’t whimper and cry for all of the unrequited Twitter love in my life. I simply don’t care. I don’t care if you follow me and you shouldn’t care if I follow you.

Why?

Because you’re an adult and you wear Big People Britches now.

Atherton Bartelby authored the point-blank post FOLLOW FAIL: The Top 10 Reasons I Will Not Follow You in Return on Twitter, but my rant today is going to go a little beyond the naked honesty of his concise enumeration.

My Twitter follow/follow-back equation is quite simple: if I find your content compelling, I’ll follow you or return the follow. If not, I’ll let you drive by my house every day but I’m not inviting you in for risotto.

Inviting you inside takes time and requires my attention.

My Twitter feed is my private space – my inner sanctum. I maintain it like a well-oiled machine and clean it regularly (aka – purging my follower list). I think this is good business practice and it works for me. I choose with whom I interact, whose information gets fed to me, and to whom I respond.

Twitter is the Thanksgiving spread of my social media world.

If you bite off more than you can chew on Twitter, you can get all Hollywood, go bulimic and purge anything you shouldn’t have digested in your stream. It’s the coolest, sickest social media-consumption disorder on the planet. The Purge. But unlike supermodels, we don’t all have to do it so often if we plan our Twitter streams wisely.

An analogy for you: The Dinner Party.

I’ve invited ten of my friends over for dinner.  Ten folks with whom I’ll share time, wine, conversation and laughter and give of my home and my culinary labors. The menu for the evening holds risotto as part of the meal, and if you’ve ever cooked risotto you know it’s – well, it’s fussy. Well-executed, a delicious and hearty dish. The antithesis will have you executed in eateries across America.

I’m at the crucial “add broth” stage to my risotto – constant stirring is imperative,

and the phone rings.

And…the doorbell? Who the hell is at the door?

(DING!) Someone’s trying to reach me on Google Chat!

You’ve got to be kidding me. So, I answer the door with wooden spoon in one hand and cell phone in the crook of my neck…

And then the cat pukes on the living room rug.

*sigh* As if that weren’t enough, the apocalypse is apparently is nigh – my dogs have suddenly gone ape shit and there’s clawing at the back door.

At this point, I should just go ahead and give birth in the middle of my kitchen floor, because my risotto is straight fucked.

I HATE fucking up a perfectly good risotto.

My dinner party has been ruined, and all on the account of having to divide my attention between unwelcome distractions.

When I invite people into my Twitter feed, I’m offering to cook them risotto. My risotto is my brand of content, my personality, and whatever reason people have chosen to follow me. Unwanted distractions come from the feeling of obligation that rules so many on Twitter: FOLLOW ME! FOLLOW ME! I’LL FOLLOW YOUUUUUUU!

I say to hell with that.

As of the writing of this post, I follow 943 people and have 1318 followers. Not huge by any means compared to the social media giants like @chrisbrogan and @scobleizer – but enough to keep my risotto potentially Rice-a-Roni nasty. To keep my conversations on Twitter intimate (and allow ME the time to focus and produce the best risotto-like content I can), I use TweetDeck to sort my conversations. I group followers, sort by hash tag, and run searches by keyword for conversations/topics I find of interest. Throughout the day, I manage 2 Twitter accounts (one personal and one for my company) and I do the same with my company’s account as well.

The people I follow are worth my time. Shit, anyone can peep through my front drapes and see what I’m cooking for dinner but most don’t make it inside. And that’s OK – I’m betting you wouldn’t invite half your Twitter stream over for dinner, either.

So folks – really. Don’t take it personally if I don’t follow you on Twitter. Your time is as valuable as mine. Go through the people you follow – and ask yourself WHY you follow them. If there’s no more compelling a reason than purely to show the cute girl in the third row of math class that you’ve got the most crayons…maybe you’re on Twitter for the wrong reason.

Posted in Social Media, Social Networking, twitter | Tagged , , , | 16 Comments »

Redheaded FAIL

February 13, 2009 by redheadwriting

istock_000007840278xsmallPlain and simple – I suck. Mozilla ate half my blog this week, I’ve had more issues with WordPress than are in print with TIME magazine. My hair is static-y. I had The Plague for the first part of the week.

This week has been ONE BIG FAIL.

So, I’m going to take up your time and my blog bandwidth for pimping a few things that DIDN’T fail this week:

There. That’s it. That’s what didn’t suck this week. Now go get a sandwich, do keyword research on your site or bone your secretary. Whatever makes you happy and won’t get you in trouble with the missus.

~The Head Redhead

Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

Website Veggies: Tips for Boosting Your Organic Search Engine Results

February 5, 2009 by redheadwriting

Go organic in search results! 

 

Go organic in search results!

 

Just like your body, your website is a reflection of what you put into it: crap in, crap out.

And then there’s the other side of the coin: fill yourself up with too much of the good stuff and you still get fat, not fit.

So Erika – where’s the happy medium?

 

As I discussed awhile ago (I Have a Website, I Have No Traffic – WTF?) there are fundamental components of website design that can completely screw you if you’re not savvy. Today, we’re going to talk about the grunt work of getting those coveted organic search engine rankings. I’ve been getting this question a lot from my followers on Twitter as well as my clients this week, and it’s an issue I deal with daily as InvestorLoft’s Director of Communications & Content.

How do I get my website to that first page…even first POSITION in Google?

Straight-up: if I KNEW the answer to that question, I’d be rich beyond belief and living on some tropical isle with a herd of cabana boys fanning me and keeping me in mojitos  or Twisted Pine Billy’s Chilies 24/7. I’m not a search engine specialist, nor will I ever claim to be. I do, however, write the copy for a shitload of websites and find myself explaining a whole lot about keywords, meta data, backlinks….and…..(snore)….

What I can tell you is that there are several things you can do in order to increase your traffic and your page rank. Both of these factors contribute highly to your position on any search engine and when you pair them with linkbuilding, increasing all puts you well on your way to better rankings built over time.

We’re heading to Whole Website Market(ing), so grab your reuseable cgi-bin and let’s get going.

  1. Examine your keyword strategy. When’s the last time you looked at your on-page keywords and meta data (page descriptions, page titles and meta keywords in your code)? Have a look and make sure that they’re still consistent with your target audience. I have many clients tell me, ” I don’t show up in Google for Arizona Real Estate Investing.” Many times it’s because that phrase is nowhere to be found on their pages at all (crazy, I know). What you THINK you should be ranking for and what your website is TELLING the search engines you should be ranking for are sometimes two entirely different things. Get your stories straight and then move on.
     
  2. Start a blog. Not a self-serving gratuitous bullshit blog, folks. A solid informational source about topics of interest to your potential clients and customers. This blog should be hosted on your website and if you missed why, read this before your become a WordPress whore. Blogs are excellent linkbait and another tool that search engines can index in oder to help you build rankings, traffic and interest from your audience.
     
  3. Catalog Your Website & Blog. Directories with decent page rank (and I consider a Google Page Rank of 4+ decent for directories) that link bck to your blog can only help you in search engine rankings. Many are free and many are paid – start with the free ones or even use a directory submission service to minimize your energy expenditure. Here is a starter list of blog directories. If you use a directory submission service, make sure they provide you with a report of sites submitted. You’re never guaranteed acceptance and many have reciprocal link requirements. Understand the terms before you submit.
     
  4. Article Marketing – It’s Not a One-Shot Deal. One of the keys to highly successful websites is the consistent generation of new content. Your blog will contribute to this as will new articles both on your website and externally that link back to you. Article Marketing through such sites a eZineArticles, GoArticles, iSnare and others not only generate backlinks to your site (most often through your author bio/footer), but also position you as an authority on your chosen subject matter. However (a BIG however), you need to establish a schedule for regular submission of articles.  Most article marketing sites will also require that they have exclusivity on the content you submit (this means one article can’t go to 3 sites). Instead of “spinning” content, contemplate how to address your subject matter from a complimentary angle. For example, the article “Self-Directed IRAs: 10 Reasons to Start One Today” can lend itself to “How Do I Set Up a Self-Directed IRA?” and “Self-Directed IRAs: Pros and Cons.” (ya catch my drift?)
     
  5. Maintain a Blog Comment Campaign.  First of all, if you spam my blog – I WILL remember you and blacklist you. I have no mercy. Don’t pump someone’s thoughtful blog full of your bullshit, marketing-only comments that are just poor excuses for backlinks. Engage in conversations. Find blogs in a related industry that your target demographic is likely to read and leave thoughtful comments (not that you just “liked the post and will check back often”). Real conversations develop on blogs, and I’ve earned clients from them.

 

This is just one short list of five ideas to get you started. I’ll encourage readers to leave their thoughts on additional strategies below and enlighten everyone in the process. It’s definitely possible to feed your website with good vittles like these and boost your organic search results in the process. As a conversation I just had with someone extolling the virtues of a frozen box of Girl Scout Thin Mint cookies – they taste good as hell but ultimately do nothing for yor bottom line.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | 9 Comments »

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